


of meadows and forever

by Bleutea



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Open Ending, Rated For Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleutea/pseuds/Bleutea
Summary: She went through several more lifetimes before she understood. First, Gahyeon and her were always born in the same time period. Secondly, she was the only one to retain her memories of her past lives. Third, they were always fated to cross paths.
Relationships: Lee Gahyeon/Lee Yubin | Dami
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	of meadows and forever

She first came into existence as a mere budding. There wasn’t much to think about. The DNA of her predecessor was passed down to her, giving the knowledge to survive. Her days all passed by the same. Turn toward the sun, drink water when nature allows it, stay rooted into the very soil that gave birth to her, hope that no passing animal eats her before she could bloom.

The world seemed so wide from her point of view. Sometimes, she would see birds soaring overhead, into the mountains that she could see from her position. But she was not envious, for how could a mere flower even understand the feeling of envy? She was nothing but a flower, swaying according to nature’s whims.

Time went on. Seasons passed without mercy. The little budding grew bigger with a few petals beginning to bloom. With her newfound height, she was able to see the river past the bushes. The water there seemed so clear compared to the rain that she usually drank. She could see the reptilian creatures stopping at the river for a drink. Occasionally, she would ask them to bring her a sip of that river water. 

The creatures kept her company when they passed through the area, though they never stayed for long. Her land was becoming so barren that most life around her has already left. They could not survive for long if they stayed. But whether they left or they simply died, she did not feel for them. Such a concept was still foreign to her. She was nothing but a small flower. The cycle of life went on. 

Sometimes, bees would come by to carry her pollen to who knows where. Maybe she even has offspring that live in a place far better than here. It was then that she started to wonder. She still did her duties for survival but she was starting to think. Her solitude offered nothing more than that. She wondered if this land could ever be lush with greens and other flowers everywhere. 

In the midst of her wondering, the small flower noticed a green bud growing near her. When did that get there? Where did it come from? The flower asked the bud at least once a day but the bud never responded. 

Still, the flower spoke to the bud every single day and watched over it. On days when it rained, the flower made sure to capture some on her leaves to save for more arid days. On days where the sun was particularly harsh on them both, she would lean over the small bud, protecting it from the worst of the heat. It didn't matter to the flower that her stem was becoming bent from the action. And on days when the winds blew a raging storm, she would hold onto the bud with her roots as tightly as possible. All she wanted was for the little bud to bloom.

Her efforts soon paid off. The bud blossomed into something more beautiful than the flower’s own white petals. The scent that her flower gave off was pleasant compared to anything she has ever smelt before. Her days of being alone were over. 

_ Where are we? _

**_In a meadow...or what used to be a meadow._ **

_ Are we alone? _

**_Not anymore._ **

Until a fiery red storm came. And then there was nothing.

\--

She eventually learned what it was like to have the freedom to go anywhere she wanted. The first place she went was the mountain that always loomed so largely in her memories. As she ran through the clearing, she could see how this place suddenly became greener than ever. Trees as big as she could imagine were everywhere. So different from what she remembered before the world turned red. 

But she was stronger than the flower she used to be. The reptilian creatures were no longer around and she herself was powerful enough to kill almost any predator that tried to eat her. Even her senses were sharper than most. This invincibility that came with the wind whipping around her as she ran towards her destination filled her lungs with adrenaline. 

It was as if nothing could stop her. Her four legs carried her up the peak of the mountain without any trouble. Any animals she ran into along the way stayed out of her way for the most part. 

When she reached the top, a red fox was already sitting there, swaying its tail back and forth in a lazy rhythm. Still, the coyote doesn’t feel threatened. The fox is much smaller than her. What could it possibly do with those tiny paws? Nothing, so the coyote sauntered up to the fox and sat down next to it. The fox paid her no mind, simply content to just keep watching the sunset from their high perch. 

When the sky goes from orange to black, the two animals leave without another glance. Absently, the coyote realized that the fox was giving off a scent that reminded her of something from the far past. 

They meet up again the days after just to look at the sunset together. Neither really spoke to one another but they were content in each other’s company. The fox trusted that the coyote would not eat them. 

But all good things eventually come to an end. Their end came in the form of two-legged animals. These animals are taller than some animals that the coyote knows of, and they seem to be very noisy. They settled in the meadow leading to the mountain in groups, building huts and planting more flowers. The coyote even saw them hunting the animals she met the other day in order to eat them. They made patches of glowing red sticks on the ground. The coyote avoided them, finding them noisy and undesirable to be around. 

Despite their weird appearances, the coyote was able to take down a few of them. However, she made a mistake of attacking a smaller two-legged animal. The other animals that live in a weird hut with that animal became enraged and chased her down. The coyote believed herself to be invincible, but the traps that the two-legged creatures made ensnared her. She was clearly outnumbered and outmatched. Just as the largest two-legged animal was about to pierce her skull with a pointed rock, a red blur latched itself onto its neck. 

The coyote growled when she realized it was her red fox companion. The red fox came to save her. The big two-legged animal grabbed the fox with its hanging limb and threw it against a tree. The other two-legged animals go on to stab the vulnerable fox, causing it to whine in pain. 

The coyote howled, enraged by the sight of red matting the red fox’s fur. She struggled to free herself from the binds around her body, finally breaking free after a hard bite. Her claws swung powerfully to tear into the skins of her enemies, scaring them all away. 

The coyote picked up the injured fox in her mouth, carrying her away to the mountains. No two-legged creature has ever been spotted there. She set the fox down, watching as it breathed deeply with its eyes closed. The coyote laid down next to the fox, listening to its breathing until there was no more.

The sun began to set and the coyote howled to the moon, eventually succumbing to grief.

\--

She awakened once again, this time as a two-legged creature as well. She wasn’t as tall as some of the other humans she has seen and she was on the slender side. Still, that doesn’t stop her from joining the dynasty army to sustain herself. She figured it was better to pretend to be a man and die on the battlefield rather than as a woman on the streets. 

Her name in this life was Dami, personal guard to the princess of the kingdom. The princess was a curious one, always running around the castle, causing mischief. Princess Gahyeon was the youngest of three siblings so she did not have to worry much about inheriting the throne. 

She was a small thing, but very beautiful nonetheless. Several suitors from all around the kingdom attempted to court the youngest in order to gain access to the royal family but she always rejected them. Many thought her to be foolish, others delusional, and some airheaded. Dami kept her distance herself. She was only here to make money and then retire comfortably. But the princess was much sharper than she let on. 

“Dami, which dress do you think will look best on me?” Gahyeon asked as the maids around her hold up dresses against her. Dami dipped her head, not making eye contact with the princess.

“Any dress will suit you, princess.” Dami doesn’t need to look up to know that her charge was pouting at the disappointing answer. 

“Yes but what would  _ you _ wear to the ball?” Dami raised her eyebrow at the odd question, only to be met with a mischievous pair of eyes. 

“I don’t think I am qualified to answer that. Perhaps one of the maids here or your sister is better suited.” 

That doesn’t deter Gahyeon. In fact, her smile widened to an impossible degree. “I think you are, Dami.” She winked at her guard and then decided on the deep blue dress that she saw Dami looking at earlier. Dami doesn’t say anything more but she knew that Gahyeon knew something about her secret. How she found out, Dami had no clue but Gahyeon hasn’t told anyone. Otherwise, Dami would be living on the streets or worse, executed. 

When the maids leave Gahyeon to her own devices, Dami followed her out to the garden for her afternoon tea. She poured the princess a cup before standing behind her chair in her usual position. 

“Princess Siyeon said that she will not be able to join you for today.” Dami informed her after receiving the message from a carrier. Gahyeon shrugged and smiled that same smile she had on in the dressing room. 

“You aren’t going to ask me?”

Dami just stared forward at nothing in particular. She didn't want to play whatever games Gahyeon was playing, nor did she want to risk exposing herself. The princess in front of her pouted at her guard’s lack of response. 

“Fine!” The princess threw her head on the back of her seat in the most undignified manner, “I guess I can tell you since I’m bored.” She pointed at Dami’s hand on the hilt of her sword. 

“Your hands are very well taken care of, for a warrior. And when you hand things to me, it's very elegant and smooth. I admit, that isn’t my best proof but I can tell you that men are too rough to move with the grace that you have. Lastly, I saw you.”

Dami almost reacted at that last one. Where did the princess see her? She’d been so careful when undressing as to not get caught. She was sure that no one knew. 

“I saw you before you became a warrior. In that small town on the outskirts. But,” Gahyeon stood up to head to the next class of the day, “I won't tell a soul. I like having you around, Dami.”

As the princess passed by, Dami caught a whiff of her scent. It was that same smell from back then. From the meadows. From the mountain. She swallowed roughly, feeling something akin to fear gripping at her heart. It was impossible for her to remember something that she never experienced. And yet, she did.

However, this too, came to an end. Dami managed to stop an assasination attempt on Gahyeon at the ball at the cost of an arrow embedded into her shoulder. Thus, her secret was exposed during a medical examination. Despite saving Gahyeon’s life, Dami was set to be executed for fraud.

It was a public execution, one meant to prevent such a thing from happening again. After all, women in this society were nothing more than pretty accessories for men. Despite the begging from the princess herself, nothing swayed the king and queen. 

As Dami was being shackled for transport to the public square, she caught sight of Gahyeon’s tears. The warrior wanted to reach out and wipe her tears away or tell her not to cry. Gahyeon was more beautiful when she was happy. Dami would know that best. But she said nothing, even as the anguished sobs intensified. Before the doors to the castle closed behind her, Dami glanced back to see her face for the very last time. 

Her last thought before the fire consumed her was that she regretted not telling Gahyeon that she shouldn't cry. 

\--

They meet again under grim circumstances. The battlefield was no place to meet, with guns and grenades filling all of their senses. Both of them are doctors this time, but for opposite sides of the war. 

Dami brought in a group of injured soldiers, including the injured doctor. The other doctors in the tent demanded that Gahyeon be killed but Dami silenced them all. “We took an oath to help those in need. This doctor is no different.” She said in accented english. 

“But she is a filthy american!” Dami’s coworker argued. The two of them argue in a language that Gahyeon can’t understand but she’s heard it enough to know that it was german. She was right in the heart of an enemy base and it was a miracle that none of them shot her the moment they saw her. 

They argued for a little longer until the other person threw their hands up in exasperation and left the tent. Dami sighed and began gathering medical supplies for Gahyeon’s leg. “Apologies.” Dami said curtly before moving to wrap the other doctor’s leg. 

“Why aren’t you trying to kill me? We’re enemies.”

“ _ We _ are not. Our countries are, but not us, at least not to me.” It was then that Gahyeon noticed how tired the german doctor looked. “I grow tired of watching men die pointless deaths.”

“Me too.” Gahyeon responded, feeling the doctor pause in her actions. “I tried to save one of the soldiers from throwing himself off a cliff. He was tired of it all. But I couldn't convince him and then-”

“You got caught in the conflict.” Dami finished. 

“Yeah.” Gahyeon looked down at her hands. She has since then gone completely numb. Not even the injury on her leg was enough to snap her out of it. 

“He was your lover.” Dami stated, rather than asked. Gahyeon said nothing and broke down on the dusty bed. Dami watched her for a moment, thinking of Gahyeon’s smile. 

_ Wait, what? Her smile? I’ve never seen it before. That’s…impossible. _

A few hours later, Dami returned with a few rations. “Eat. And then we will send you back to the american base.”

Gahyeon took a bite out of her stale bread.  _ Even on this side did they not have enough real food to feed their armies.  _

“I don’t want to go back.” She said softly. Dami had to turn around to make sure she heard right but Gahyeon was looking away.

“Then where do you want to go?”

“...To a place without wars. To a place where people won’t get hurt.”

“Then we’d be out of a job.” Dami responded dryly, not expecting Gahyeon to laugh at her dry joke. 

“If that is what it takes, then so be it.”

That night, Gahyeon left with the envoy, with no promise of them ever meeting again.

***

Or so Dami thought. They met again when the war was finally over. Dami journeyed over to New York in order to continue her doctorate studies. She was met with disdain and outright hatred for her nationality but she persevered. Something in her just told her that she had to be here, so she took the first boat out despite knowing that her life was going to be harder in america. 

“Doctor?” A voice that she heard nearly two years ago called to her. And Dami knew it was that american doctor without even turning around. Her scent told her so before her eyes did. That very same feeling she felt as a warrior pulled at her chest.

“We meet again.” Gahyeon blossomed into a beautiful lady since Dami last saw her. She seemed healthier with full cheeks and a smile on her face. 

“Indeed...” Gahyeon regarded her for a moment, searching for something that Dami wasn’t sure of. “It’s nice to see you again, especially now that it is peaceful.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” As if on cue, another student bumped her shoulder roughly despite the wide berth the hallway offered. Gahyeon was about to call out that student but Dami stopped her. “Leave it. I’d rather not get kicked out.”

“But they are harassing you!” Gahyeon hissed under her breath. “It goes against our oath!”

“Yes but, who would listen to  _ me _ ?” The wry smile on Dami’s face reminded Gahyeon of her late lover. It was the same smile he gave before he jumped. It made her heart ache all over again. 

“I would.” Dami’s expression turned into one of surprise before she softened into a faint smile. 

“Thanks, doctor….?”

“Gahyeon. And you?”

“Dami.”

They spent the next few years by each other’s side regardless of the backlash they received for being associated with each other. Neither of them really cared. Not when they had each other and their dreams for the future.

Falling in love, too, seemed to be inevitable. It was the first time Dami remembered experiencing happiness and it was somehow fitting that it was because of Gahyeon. They never outed themselves, knowing that they would be shunned by society or worse but that did not make the soft kisses they shared in their kitchen in the morning less meaningful, nor did it lessen the warmth between them under the sheets.

\--

She went through several more lifetimes before she understood. First, Gahyeon and her were always born in the same time period. Secondly, she was the only one to retain her memories of her past lives. Third, they were always fated to cross paths. 

Dami always knew when she was near, for that scent was unmistakable. She could always pick out that flower scent even from a crowded area. It was as if it were a beacon, telling her where Gahyeon was in this life.

Lastly, they were always separated in every lifetime, no matter how much Dami tried to keep them together. 

Little by little, her heart began to fracture.

\--

Dami focused her scope on her target. It was a man in his late fifties that owed money to the mafia. He ran before they could collect their debt so they sent their best assassin after him. It was a standard job to her, as none of her targets ever escaped her sniper. A single shot in and he was gone. 

Dami sighed as she packed up her equipment and made her way down the building. She wondered when killing became so easy for her. This lifetime gifted her with superior sight and a sleight of hand. Anyone associated with her either died or could possibly die tomorrow. The mafia was no place for the weak and she could be next, if they wished it. As a result, she has jumped from city to city, housing to housing, in order to prevent an untimely end.

She hasn’t met Gahyeon in this lifetime yet but she didn't want to. What would Gahyeon say if she knew that Dami’s hands were so bloody? Dami didn't want to involve Gahyeon in this life because the mafia was sure to bring Gahyeon closer to death without really trying. 

(She tried not to think of the way Gahyeon’s hand went limp in hers so many lifetimes ago. The blackness in her lover’s mouth spread until it took her last breath.)

The assassin settled against the side of her building while pulling out a pack of cigars. She took a deep puff before releasing the smoke from her mouth. The night life was as exciting as always with people rushing about and having a good time in general. The world had just gone through another war, after all. People just wanted to celebrate and Dami could understand that. Once upon many times, she too, celebrated the end of great wars. They’d become technologically advanced as time went on and so did the horror of it all.

Her watch beeps from her jacket pocket, snapping her out of her memories. She sighed again and put out her cigar before pulling the pocket watch out. Her break ended way too soon. Across from her, a flapper nodded her head while holding a half-finished cigar.

The assassin trudged over to the nearest rotary phone booth. She dialed in one of the many burner numbers she’s memorized. Someone picked up from the other side. 

“ _ Dami. I have an important job for you today. _ ”

Dami paused for a long moment. That voice…”Boss, it’s rare for you to issue orders directly.”

“It’s an important job. It begins now.” Dami heard a series of clicks on the other size before it came to a stop. That was the code for the mission details that the mafia used to prevent listening in from the police and other mafias. 

“Received.”

“ _ Do not fail. _ ”

***

Dami tuned her strings to their proper note and leaned back into her seat. Her target this time was one of the guests in this party. There were a lot of people but Dami never missed a shot and she wasn’t about to start. In fact, she already set up her automatic sniper rifle on the opposite building, on top of the roof. It was programmed to shoot when she hit a certain chord on her cello. And of course, Dami made sure it was right at the climax of the orchestra. She could be a bit dramatic when she wanted to be.

The conductor waved his baton, signaling the start of the piece. Dami played her cello masterfully despite only practicing with the orchestra once. It seemed this lifetime also gifted her the life of a virtuoso. As the chord approached, Dami suddenly felt her heart beating faster. 

_ No. It can’t be… _

That could only mean one thing. Dami’s eyes shot open, frantically searching for that familiar face without missing a beat. She finally found her, sitting right next to her target. They were whispering to each other, meaning that Gahyeon had some relations to the man Dami was assigned to kill tonight. 

She didn't want her to see the bloodshed that was about to occur right next to her. But alas, the show had to go on. Right when Dami reached that chord, she closed her eyes to the world, not wanting to see Gahyeon’s expression. 

The shot hit its mark.

***

“It seems he had a protege in the making.” The boss said as she crossed her legs. Two other henchmen walked into the room and threw a tied up person in front of her. Again, it was that scent. Dami knew that it was Gahyeon. The younger girl once again crossed her path. 

One of the henchmen ripped off the sack covering Gahyeon’s face. The younger girl looked furious. Her eyes darted from person to person until it landed on Dami. “It was you. You were the one to kill the Don.”

Dami held her hands up mockingly. “You saw me playing right in front of you. How could I have done it?” Gahyeon doesn’t refute that obvious point but that didn't stop the hatred from passing through her eyes. That was new, Dami thought. She had never seen Gahyeon’s hatred directed at her. Maybe things can change, after all.

“Well, it’s obvious that the girl won’t tell us more. Dami, kill her.” The boss handed her a silver revolver. Dami took the gun and held it between Gahyeon's eyes. Oddly, Dami didn't feel a thing. Never in her previous lives was she the one to end Gahyeon’s life. But she grew tired of watching Gahyeon leave. This time-

“It’ll end your suffering faster this way.” Dami said cryptically before shooting without hesitation. 

\--

Dami spent the next few lifetimes completely avoiding Gahyeon. When she sensed her, she did her best to stay out of Gahyeon’s way. 

But it failed every single time. It was as if the universe decided that these two are destined for a taste of happiness, only for it to be ripped away at the end. Dami missed the times when they were able to be together and lived a fulfilling life until they died of old age. Even though they were never able to tell other people, Dami was content to spend her days in that old log cabin. But that too, was swept away with time. 

The world continued to spin, dragging Dami and Gahyeon along with its ever-changing tides.

Dami never was able to find an answer for their misfortune. All she could do was avoid Gahyeon to protect her own heart, no matter how much the action contradicted the growing pain in her chest. 

\--

“Do you hate me that much? Does the thought of me revolt you so?” 

Yubin regarded the girl in front of her. Tears filled her big, round eyes and even though she was on the verge of crying, Yubin still thought her to be pretty. 

Yubin swallowed roughly, “On the contrary,” she started quietly, “you are like the meadow blooming in between my ribs. At times, it hurts. Other times, it brings me an indescribable joy. Just...”

She stopped, wanting to absorb the presence of the one person destined to travel through time with her. “Your existence is one that consumes all of me. It does not allow me to simply be my own existence. It’s like I live only to meet you again. And I am just so, so tired….. 

Please, I’m asking you to  _ let me go _ .” 

Yubin felt herself choking up after delivering her message. The tears were already welling in her eyes, threatening to fall at any given moment. 

They regarded each other with an intensity that could be felt in the air. It was as if it was just the two of them in this moment, trapped inside their own bubble. Gahyeon’s eyes were beginning to turn red as well, affected by the intensity of Yubin’s emotions. Would Gahyeon even understand what she was saying? Gahyeon never remembered her or their past lives. She was never burdened with the memories of things that already passed. She was never burdened with the pain that Yubin carried deep in her soul. 

At this point, Yubin was tired of being angry. She was tired of being tired. 

“Cut!” A third voice cut in. “That was amazing, Yubin!” The director clapped her hands and ushered the two actors down the stage. “Where did you come up with that line?!”

Yubin rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly while sniffling. “It was in a book I read. I thought it would work well with this scene so I just improvised.”

“It was really good! I’ll tell the scriptwriter to put it in immediately! At this rate, the audience is going to have second-lead syndrome!” The director praised. Beside her, Gahyeon gave her a thumbs up.”But are you sure you don’t want to audition for this part? You’d be a great fit!”

“No thank you. I’m just a mere stagehand.” Yubin said as she shook her head. The director deflated.

“Well, if you change your mind, you can always tell me.”

They both bowed to their seniors before leaving to pack up for the day. As they were walking back home, Gahyeon perked up beside her. 

“What book is it?”

“Hm? Oh this one.” Yubin dug into her backpack to pull out a worn book. On the cover, the title was written in fine cursive. 

“ _ To my Lilac  _ by Lee Dami.” Gahyeon read aloud. “I’ve never heard of this book before.”

Yubin hummed. “It’s an old book. Apparently, the author wrote it for her late lover, who died one day before due to an asteroid impact. It contains diary entries and letters of all the things the author wanted to tell her lover.” Obviously, she wasn’t about to tell Gahyeon that it was a book she wrote for her in her 15894th life. She decided to write this book as a way to cope and hopefully begin to heal herself. She even changed her name for a new start.

“So it’s full of regrets? Of things the author wasn’t able to say?” Gahyeon flipped through a few yellowed pages. “That’s really sad...”

“That’s life.” Yubin shrugged. Gahyeon pouted at Yubin’s nonchalant response. “And speaking of life,” Yubin said before Gahyeon could argue further, “Don’t you have an essay due for language class tomorrow?”

Gahyeon groaned at her dilemma, completely forgetting about the book. “Ugh I know! I’m almost done.”

The older girl raised a single fine eyebrow in disbelief. “Can I please come over to finish my paper? Pwease?” Yubin didn't even need to look over to know her friend was using the puppy eyes on her. 

“Alright, alright. But you better get your work done and then you’re out. Got it?”

“Aw, why so cold? The life of a highschooler is tough, you know.” Gahyeon said as a matter-of-factly. She wagged her index finger in front of the older girl. 

“I know, because I’m one too, idiot.”

“So mean.”

****

Yubin spun her pen in her hand, contemplating what to write next. Since she lent Gahyeon her book, she felt anxious. She was baring her heart in every word, not that Gahyeon would understand that it was her from the past. She wondered if she made a good choice and if it would help her finally let everything go. Would she regret it if she never gave that book to Gahyeon? Did she regret giving it to her now? 

Yubin groaned and ruffled her hair. Her feelings were too confusing. Her brain said to be logical and stop associating with the human that hurt her for thousands of lifetimes. But her heart said otherwise. 

Maybe in this lifetime, Yubin could do something different. She could tell Gahyeon but would Gahyeon believe her? Not once did Yubin ever attempt to tell Gahyeon about their entwined destinies. Would that even change anything? 

Her musings were interrupted by her doorbell ringing. The younger girl’s smile greeted her. “Hi, Bin!” Gahyeon waved and then shoved her way into Yubin’s home. “Where are your parents?”

“Out shopping. Want any drinks or snacks?”

“Yes please!” Yubin watched fondly as Gahyeon bounced up the stairs to take over her room. It seemed no matter which life Gahyeon was in, she always kept her spunk about her. Yubin was reminded of the time when they met very late into their lives. Both were already aged and greying but Gahyeon was as energetic as ever. She kept her enthusiasm up until Yubin’s heart succumbed to an incurable disease. That was one of the rare times when Yubin was the one to leave first.

“What were you writing?” Gahyeon asked as soon as Yubin walked back into her room. 

“A creative writing assignment. No progress though.”

“What’s the theme?”

“Don’t you have an essay to write? Don’t think I forgot.” Yubin narrowed her eyes. Gahyeon groaned and threw herself back on Yubin’s bed, wrapping herself up in the older girl’s blanket in the process. Yubin smiled faintly at the childish behavior before sitting back into her chair to continue writing. She knew that Gahyeon would eventually get up and write her paper.

“Hey Bin?”

“Hm?”

“I read the book.”

“Yeah? What did you think?” Yubin began to write more words, feeling inspired.

“I think this Dami person suffered a lot. She talked about living through several lives as the only one to remember her lover. And I just think that she’s very lonely and sad.”

Yubin stopped writing and swiveled around in her seat to look at the younger girl. Instead of writing her paper, Gahyeon had the book in her hands, flipping through the diary entries that she found the most interesting. 

“Then what do you think she could have done?” Yubin tilted her head, wondering what was going through Gahyeon’s head. Had she been in Yubin’s position, what would she have done? 

“If her words are true...if she really is destined to meet this person in every lifetime then, I think she needs to love herself first.” Gahyeon stated as she stared into Yubin’s eyes. The older girl flinched, not expecting those words. 

“Love herself…?” Yubin tested the words on her tongue, feeling a strange foreignness to them.

“Yeah...In the beginning, the author was always looking out for her destined. She did everything she could so that they could be together, for her lover’s sake. But what about her? Did she ever do any of that for herself?” Gahyeon flipped a few more pages to the point where Yubin knew it was about the time she joined the mafia. When she started killing Gahyeon.

“The author clearly became angry at the world and at her lover for putting her through this situation. But… I think she wrote this book to ask for forgiveness. Maybe from her lover or maybe from herself.”

“Do you think her lover would forgive her?”

“I think...her lover would. And I think she should’ve also shared the burden. This is all written from the author’s point of view, so we only know her feelings. But if I were the lover, I would be very sad to know that the person I loved suffered so much. I would want to share the burden.” Gahyeon finally looked up and into Yubin’s eyes. 

It shocked Yubin to see Gahyeon staring at her so differently from before. It was as if she could see right through her. 

****

“Hey Bin, want to go somewhere after school?”

Yubin glanced down from behind the light fixtures she was working on. “Where?”

“It’s a secret.” Gahyeon grinned. “So, will you come?”

“I guess.” Yubin smiled faintly at the cheer Gahyeon let out. The younger girl was prancing around on stage even as the director called her to get her makeup done. 

“Got a date?” Yubin’s friend teased from beside her. 

“It’s not a date.” Yubin grumbled as she felt her cheeks heat up. It was juvenile, considering she has dated Gahyeon in several lives. Maybe this time was just different because of the book. 

“Sure it’s not.” Her friend still had that teasing smile on her face as she grabbed the wires for the spotlights. Yubin held the flashlight up higher to assist. “You two are always together. The student body is practically convinced that you two are dating already. I mean, who helps their ‘best friend’ with their acting on stage when she asks at the last minute?”

It was meant to be a rhetorical question but Yubin answered it anyways, unsure. “Um, me?”

“Yeah, you, miss introverted who hardly speaks on a daily basis.”

“Can’t friends help out other friends in need? Does everything have to be read romantically?” Yubin questioned. Her friend regarded her with a strange glint in her eyes. Finally, she sighed. 

“Is dating Gahyeon really that undesirable?”

Yubin looked away, finding her attention drawn to the person down below in question. She thought about the discussion they had on Yubin’s book in her bedroom. Was she really just doing what she did in the past lives for Gahyeon? No, Yubin knew that couldn’t be entirely true because there were several instances where she was the direct cause of Gahyeon’s demise. 

(Shortly after, though, she would find herself feeling lost until that life ended.)

Maybe Gahyeon was right. Maybe what she needed was to first apologize herself. But where could she even begin? 

“Yubin?” Her friend observed the sudden melancholy that took over Yubin’s mood. 

“Sorry. I’m not feeling too well. I’ll be leaving first.” Yubin stood up without a second glance. She knew it was a bit rude to leave all the work for her friend, especially when the show was getting closer and closer but, she needed time to think. 

****

Yubin shifted her car into park once Gahyeon told her that they reached their destination. They were in front of a botanical garden park but there were hardly any cars around. A closer look at the garden hours showed that it had already closed. 

“Did you check the hours? The garden is already closed.” Yubin said as she stood in front of the sliding doors. Gahyeon didn't respond so she turned around to see that the younger girl was looking at the glass dome on top. 

“Gahyeon?” Yubin tried again, this time successfully snapping Gahyeon out of it. “We can come back another time-”

“No, I got permission from my friend. We can go in from the back entrance.” Gahyeon wasn’t smiling like she usually was. In fact, she was quiet the entire ride, save for giving Yubin directions. It was mildly concerning to see her behave so uncharacteristically. 

She was skeptical but followed Gahyeon to the back anyways. Sure enough, the door was already unlocked for them. All the lights were off inside the office and there was nobody around. It was really creepy, like a haunted house. Yubin shivered lightly when she was reminded of the time when she worked at a haunted house for extra cash. That must’ve only been three or four lives ago but the screams were still fresh in her memories. 

Gahyeon walked to the entrance of the garden, beckoning her friend to follow. They walked side by side in silence, until Gahyeon came to a stop by the central tree. It was massive, the leaves took up so much of the top view that the glass dome was almost entirely obscured. 

Yubin craned her head as far back as she could, wondering how old this tree was. It must’ve been growing for a long time to reach the size that it had. 

“Do you like it?” Gahyeon asked with zero playfulness in her tone. In fact, she sounded entirely too serious for Yubin’s liking. 

“It’s amazing.”

She felt Gahyeon gripping her left hand. 

“I don’t really know where I came from or how I got here. But, I’m glad I did, because it made you less lonely.” Gahyeon gently caressed the hand in hers. 

Meanwhile, Yubin’s throat was closing up and her heart was beating faster. Gahyeon wasn’t making much sense so she figured that the younger girl was just practicing her acting. Nothing else made sense. 

“Did you bring me here so that you could practice your drama lines-”

“I’m sorry.” Gahyeon interrupted. “And...” She tugged their joint hands to bring Yubin to the other side of the great tree. “I hope that you can start to forgive yourself.”

Yubin’s breath got caught in her throat. She couldn't take her eyes off of what lay on the other side of the tree. It should not have been possible and yet her eyes told her otherwise.

It was two flowers. One was an orange blossom and the other was a lilac. 

It was them, in their very first lives. 

Yubin fell to her knees, chest heaving with tears she couldn’t explain. Frustration. Pain. Fear. Relief. Longing.

\--

(

“I got an offer to go to this acting academy in Norway. I think I’m going to go.” Gahyeon spoke after Yubin wiped her tears and composed herself. 

“How did you know this was here?” She asked instead of reacting to Gahyeon’s statement. Yubin recalled searching for the meadow in several instances but she could never truly remember where it was. She never expected Gahyeon, the one who never carried any memories of the past, to know. 

“Do you like it?” Gahyeon ignored her question as well. She understood that Yubin must be overwhelmed. 

“It’s more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.” Yubin couldn’t take her eyes off of the two flowers swaying gently under the moonlight. They seemed to be at peace and somehow, Yubin was beginning to feel it within herself as well. It wasn’t enough, but it was a start. She turned over to the younger girl. “Are you sure about leaving?”

Gahyeon nodded with a gentle smile on her face. “I think we need to be apart in order to understand ourselves. If, if our lives are really fated to be intertwined, then we will meet again someday, for sure.”

Gahyeon stood up and started towards the entrance. Right before she reached the exit, she pivoted around to look at Yubin for the last time. She smiled so brightly, even moreso than all the lifetimes Yubin has experienced combined. “Thank you, Yubin. For always being with me in every life. It’s comforting to know that you were always by my side. So, from now on, please live for yourself - and nobody else.”

Yubin nodded solemnly. It was sad to be separated from a presence that she was so used to. She even found it a bit ironic that the one time they deliberately separate was the one time Gahyeon actually remembered something about them. As much as she despised the universe for making her suffer so much, she also had to admit that knowing Gahyeon would always be there was comfortable.

So yes, it felt like the gaping hole in her chest would never close but at the same time, it felt like a new beginning for her. It felt like hope.

“I promise.”

)

\--

It had been over eight years since Yubin last felt Gahyeon’s presence. She finished high school and college without the younger girl by her side. But she wasn’t alone. She made some pretty quirky friends that filled her days with laughter and happiness. For once, she didn't feel like she was caged in some grander purpose that the universe thrusted on her tiny shoulders. 

At some point, she lived her life without even thinking of Gahyeon in her daily life. That ache in her chest was no longer there and she could breathe. 

\--

Standing in front of the Sydney opera house made Yubin think of Gahyeon for the first time in eight years. She wondered if Gahyeon was doing well. She hoped she was but Yubin didn't feel that need to search for the younger anymore. She also hoped that Gahyeon knew that Yubin was living up to their promise to each other. 

The nighttime view of the opera house was amazing with all the glowing lights. The only thing that could top those lights were the ones she remembered seeing as a mountain bear. That life ended quickly because of hunters but Yubin remembered looking up at the northern lights and thinking that they were beautiful. 

She chuckled to herself, shaking her head at her ridiculous thoughts. She turned around, ready to head to the restaurant her friends were waiting at before crashing into someone. 

“I’m so sorry!” Yubin apologized as she grabbed at the person’s arm to balance them. 

“No, no it’s okay - Yubin?!”

“Gahyeon?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came on a trip with my friends? What about you?” Both girls observed each other, absorbing the changes in the other in their time apart. Both were satisfied that the other person seemed to be doing well - that they both kept their promise. 

Gahyeon smiled brightly. “I’m filming a movie here! As one of the actresses!”

“Hey, that’s great! If you have some time, want to catch up over some coffee? I’ll be here until Sunday.”

“I prefer tea, but sure!”

It was truly a new beginning. 

**Author's Note:**

> An idea that I have been working on for quite some time finally left the drafts! This time, it is heavily focused on Yubin and Gahyeon, as there aren't too many stories about them out there. This one also has a more somber tone compared to all of my other works so it was a new challenge for me to write and finish. 
> 
> Do enjoy!
> 
> find me on twt: @bleubub


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